Readers…here is a new one for you. Typically I blog about fitness, Sports, climbing etc…, but this post is an entirely different paint job. I just had my first Facebook sleaze stalker. I’ll give you the cliff note version. A while back I get a friend request from a guy named Joel G. He lives in Panama I believe. At first he seems like a nice guy but then I start getting Facebook messages from him that are…how should I put this…ehhh sexual in nature. O.K. so the guy is gay. I could care less. In fact I’m a bit flattered that at my age 52 anyone is hitting on me…male or female. Joel’s messages vary from “Hello Jim” or “How are you Jim” to “I love you Jim”. Sometimes Joel would get a tad aggressive in professing his love for me. When that would happen I would simply ignore him and in his subsequent messages his libido was normal and he’d be back to “Hi Jim!”
My Columbian love interest “Sandra Smitt”.
This shenanigans with Joel goes on for about 6 months. Joel tells me how much he loves me and I ignore him. Oddly out of nowhere I get a friend request from a smooooooooooking hot chick named Sandra Smitt from Columbia. Sandra starts messaging me with stuff like “you are handsome”, “u have amazing face and body”, “I like, because you are very strong”, “what are u doing, my love”, “how are you, my love”. For the sake of civility I won’t write “her” other posts that were sexual in nature.
What I love about being 52 is I have a half century of life experiences under my belt. Perhaps a naive 20 something man like Manti Te’o would have fallen for this scam, but my Momma didn’t raise no fool-so to speak. I have been down the road of life. I can’t begin to tell you the scammers, pretenders, bullshitters, nutters and just plain asses I’ve met in 50 years. When Sandra began laying it on thick I became suspicious that Joel was in fact Sandra. Joel would message me I’d ignore him, then guess what? Sandra would start messaging me about 30 minutes later. Yeah baby, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck…it’s a damn duck! By this point I was sure that something was out of sorts with this entire Joel/Sandra chicanery.
I figure that I’m either the luckiest man on earth (why would a 23 year old smoking hot Columbian chick be interested in me?) or I’m getting scammed. I go to the depository of all knowledge known to man-Google, and search “how to reveal a fake Facebook user.” Through the mathematical genius of the nerds at Google I get this link. I follow the directions exactly and guess what? Sandra Smitt is in fact Angelina Castro a South American porn star! Ha, go figure. I suspect strongly that my cheeky little pal Joel set up a fake Facebook account using the name Sandra Smitt. He cut and pasted the pictures from Angelina Castro’s Facebook to use on Sandra’s page. The “I got ya” moment occurred when I asked Sandra for her phone number and get nothing back. I figure that Joel must be in a panic at this point. I mean what’s he gonna do have his mother call me? A day later I message “Sandra” my phone number and get nothing back. Yep the jig is up Joel! I wonder how many other men Joel is trying to get off using the pseudonym Sandra Smitt.
O Mi Amor! If only you had been real. I’d be happily living in Columbia.
The following is directed to Joel since I’m sure you read this blog. I’m not angry at you Joel (hey look at me what’s not to like?), I’m not weirded out, I’m not even disappointed that my Colombian love interest is fake. I’m actually feeling pretty good about myself Joel that at the end of the day I was smarter than you. Play the player, pimp the pimp. Wooooooooooooo!
Look at me. 210 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal wearing skin tight biker stripper-wear. What not to like?