Wing's Daily News

Eddie would go

Peeper who hid in portable toilet gets 3 year-sentence

Holy shit there's a man down there!!!!

Holy shit there’s a man down there!!!!

Syria, Syria,Syria…enough. Here is some very entertaining albeit disgusting news that is bound to either make you smile or retch.

BOULDER, Colo. (AP) — A Colorado man who hid in the tank of a portable toilet at a yoga festival to spy on women has been sentenced to three years in prison and 10 years of probation.

Luke Chrisco’s sentence was handed down Friday in Boulder. The 31-year-old pleaded guilty in July to attempted unlawful sexual contact and two burglary counts.

Police arrested Chrisco in 2011 after a woman at a yoga festival in Boulder noticed something moving in the tank of the portable toilet, then saw a feces-stained man emerge and run away. Police say he also was suspected of hiding in other bathrooms around Boulder to watch women use the toilet.(Excerpted  from USA Today)

My take on the situation? WTF this guy is seriously fucked in the head. When I grew up many towns had the commensurate”flasher” you know…the weirdo that would drop his pants and expose his junk to women as they walked by. But this dude pegs the tachometer way way past the redline for being creepy and disturbed. I mean seriously how disjointed and convoluted is your thought process to even think of such an idea. Let me script it out for you:

Weirdo: (Thinking to himself) Wow there is a yoga festival in town this weekend. I bet there will be hot chicks there.

Weirdo: (continues his convoluted thought process) I’d love to watch them as they take a pee.

Weirdo: (the synapses of his deviant brain begin to fire) Can I hide behind a tree? No that’s not close enough. Can I hide on top of the porta john? No everyone will see me there.

Weirdo: (scratches his head) Can I hide inside of the porta john? No that won’t work there’s no room.

Weirdo: (his ill mind finally balances the equation and BINGO) I’ll squeeze myself down into the waste tank and hide down there, it will offer the best view! Eureka!

I know everyone reading this at one time or another has used a porta john, they aren’t the cleanest things on earth. In fact they are foul smelling rancid storage receptacles for hundreds of gallons of festering fermenting human piss and shit… The odd thing about porta johns though is you never actually smell the piss and shit. You always smell that curious sweet chemical odor. I ask you what kind of chemical is capable of masking the odor of a bathtub full of foul smelling human excrement? In any case this lunatic is so disturbed that he figured out a way to squirm his way into the storage tank. I wonder if he went feet first? If so he probably had a hand on either side of the toilet lid and slowly eased himself into that disgusting cauldron of bizarre chemicals and E coli. Or did he go in head first and have to perform some Houdini like contortions once inside the tank to get his head above “water” so to speak.

Well the next time you go to relieve yourself in a porta john it may behove you to take a peek into the waste storage tank to see if a pair of eyes is staring back at you. If so just close the lid and use a different porta john.



How F’d up is the situation in Syria…read on.

straits of hormuzSo our allies the Brit’s have decided to NOT join the U.S. in a little middle eastern adventurism in the form of air strikes on Syria. It seems the Brit’s have a bit more common sense than the U.S. Our president says the U.S. will go it alone. Is this not the very thing that George W. was criticized for in operation Iraqi Freedom….not building a coalition? Our former cold war enemies the Russians have just dispatched two warships to the region and both Iran and Syria have threatened to retaliate against Israel and other U.S. allies in the Middle East in the event of a U.S. attack on Syria over its alleged use of chemical weapons against civilians. Hundreds of Syrians in a region held by rebels were reported killed in the Aug. 21 attack. (excerpts taken from USA Today)

Once thing that vexes me though is the moral outrage that the west seems to have whipped itself into over the use of chemical weapons by the Assad regime. So let me get this…it’s ok for Assad to murder his own people with the use of conventional weapons such as artillery but not chemical weapons? During two years of civil war over 100,000 Syrians have died. I’m sure that those 100k dead would take great solace in the fact that the west after two years of butchery and murder is thinking of getting involved.

The Obama administration has painted itself into a very tight corner with that whole “Red Line” malarkey. Well…the “Red Line” has been crossed and what is the U.S. to do? Drop some laser guided bombs on Syria? Shoot a few hundred Tomahawk cruise missiles, at the cost of 1.4 million dollars each, another example of the prudent use of U.S. tax dollars.

I could prattle on indefinitely using really complex statements with big words to describe the situation in the middle east particularly the Syrian civil war. However since I don’t have the energy to craft a finely worded opine to expound upon, I will attempt to succinctly and adroitly explain the situation as follows: (WARNING EXTREMELY FOUL LANGUAGE)

The whole Syrian civil war is one colossal, confused giant goat fuck. You have the dissidents composed of nobody really knows who. Are they Al qaeda? Are they Hezbollah?…who the fuck knows? It’s rather irrelevant since neither group holds America in rather high esteem. So if we drop all kinds of nasty bombs on Syria what happens then? Nobody really fucking knows. Is our government in the business of regime changing? Apparently yes since we’ve already done it once in Iraq…sorry twice, I forgot all about that other backwards ass fucked up country called Afghanistan. The Brits have bailed on the whole idea of airstrikes which leaves the U.S. alone. The Russkies have dispatched two warships to the region AND Syria and Iran have threatened to retaliate against Israel if Syria is attacked. O.K…if there is one nation to NOT FUCK WITH it’s Israel (who happens to have nukes by the way). If Israel is attacked their response will be swift and severe. I mean really…you could not fuck up this situation anymore than it is regardless of how hard you tried. I doubt it and by the mercy of God I hope I not wrong…but I don’t think a nuclear war will start in the region. Hey but what the fuck do I know?

Why I don’t like “flow” rolling

“Flow Rolling”, I don’t understand it, don’t like it and don’t agree with the concept. When I started BJJ nearly 13 years ago “flow” rolling did not exist. You rolled the way you rolled. Some guys were more aggressive and stronger than others. When I rolled with a big strong guy I changed my game. If I rolled with a smaller person that was not as strong as me, I changed my game. We never looked at each other and said “lets flow roll today”. The game went where the game went. Some rolls were much harder than others. I also believe that truly technical and experienced BJJ practitioners can roll very hard without hurting each other. I took a seminar a long time ago with BJJ Grand Master Francisco Mansor. I remember him telling us that during sparring was not the time to “practice moves”, that is what drilling was for. It seems to me that this whole flow thing is an attempt by some bjj’rs to practice technique while sparring. Sparring is for sparring, drilling is for drilling. I also think that “flow” rolling is an attempt to “dummy” down the game to make it softer and less aggressive. I want to be very concise when I say aggressive, I don’t mean violent. BJJ is a submission art. The intent is to achieve a dominant position from which you can submit your opponent. That by nature is aggressive.

A couple of months ago I was at Martinez BJJ in Philadelphia. I had the opportunity to spar with some really great and talented guys. I sparred with former Bellator Champion Zach Makovsky who I outweigh by nearly 100 pounds. Could I have used my power and strength to smash him? Maybe but that’s not what I did. I changed my game to try and keep up with his insane speed and tightened up my defense to not give him easy chances at submissions. It was an intense roll and it was really fun, neither of us got hurt…but it was not flow rolling. We rolled hard.

I’ve trained twice in Brazil. You know what? There was no flow rolling it was either sink or swim. The Brazilians were all really nice. I never got hurt…but I took some ass whoopings of Biblical proportions. I remember my second trip there. I’d get nauseous just walking up the front steps of Brasa because I knew the hell and fury I was about to enter into. Some of the sparring sessions were so hard I could not move for hours after. No quarter was given and none asked for. Those experiences helped shape and mold me into the BJJ Black Belt that I am today.

In my opinion one of the best over 40 year old BJJ Black Belts in the country is Ronnie Wuest. Ronnie is a big guy (over 200 pounds) with incredibly good technique. I competed against him in a NAGA tournament and he knee barred me in less than 2 minutes. One day I’ll make my way down to his gym to spar with him. Can you imagine me saying to him “Hi Ronnie can we flow roll today.” I’d be embarrassed to ask him such a thing. In my mind it would be analogous to me saying to him “hey Ronnie can you go light with me so I have a chance?” I’d want Ron to go 100% with me. How else will I learn? I’d like to find out if I could deal with his pressure and complexity of attacks. I don’t want to flow with the guy…

Chris submitted me 7 times in 45 minutes, but I had a great session with him!

Chris submitted me 7 times in 45 minutes, but I had a great session with him!

Yesterday I sparred with my son who is a pro MMA fighter. He’s incredibly big/strong AND has great technique. He’s a legit brown belt in BJJ. When I say legit brown belt I mean he earned his rank through years of training and competition. He can smash most brown belts and some black belts.  At the start of the session I knew I could not beat him he’s better than me in nearly all aspects of the game. Normally my ace in the hole is my power. When I get into trouble I can ramp up the power meter and get out of danger. I can not do this with Chris because he’s way stronger than me. I had to spar a younger, stronger and faster opponent…what was I to do? I hunkered down played my defense as tight as I could and prepared for a true sufferfest. We rolled really hard, I mean hard. Do you know what? Nobody got hurt or injured and we had a great time.

Maybe it’s me but I like doing things the hard way. I like challenges. I like pushing myself. At the end of a sparring session I want to be dog tired, sweaty and have the exhilarating feeling that I pushed myself past the limits of my endurance. I get none of those things from “flow” rolling. In my mind…sparring is sparring. Have you ever heard of “flow” boxing?, “flow” Muay Thai or “flow” kickboxing. Sparring should be intense and physically and mentally taxing.. When I spar I want to push the pace and I want my opponent to push me. You go where the game takes you. It’s your responsibility to be able to deal with every eventuality. Can you keep up with a smaller faster opponent? Can you effectively deal with the power and strength of a bigger opponent? It’s not your opponents responsibility to play down to the level of his competition and vice versa. When I referee BJJ matches I can deduce the competitors that don’t push the pace in their sparring sessions. Their timing is off (usually slower than their competitors) and they are quickly overwhelmed and find themselves down big points within seconds or are submitted. When I spar I’m not there to play. If I wanted to play I’d go the park and get in a nice easy game of kickball with a bunch of sixth graders.

Authors note: there is an odd subculture within the BJJ community that thinks that BJJ is the end all and be all of all martial arts. This groups whips themselves into an absolute frenzy if you say anything negative about BJJ. If you disagree with this post that’s fine…tell me why. But if you leave a mean spirited reply…it’s off to the hate mail page with you. Trust me you don’t want to wind up there.

Woman fired for being “Too Attractive”

Fired for being "Too Attractive"

Fired for being “Too Attractive”

OK…here is one right out of the pinnacle of absolutely unbridled fucking stupidity. A female dental hygienist named Melissa Nelson was fired from her job of 10 years because her boss found her “too attractive”. I’ve stated before that I’m not the smartest guy on earth, in fact my intellect probably pegs the “intellect O metter” more on the dumb side, but even I with my crawling intellect understands that this woman was discriminated against. What’s more the Iowa State Supreme Court found in the employer’s favor. Incidentally the court was all male….hmmm go figure. Click here to get all of the details. It seems that her employer, a dentist was acting at the behest of his wife because she was “intimidated” by the dental hygienist. The conversation between husband (the dentist) and his wife must have gone something like this:

Wife: You wanna bang that bitch don’t you!

Husband (looking directly into the eyes of his haggardly and obscenely ugly wife) No dear…she’s ugly–I hate her. ( A lie because indeed she is attractive AND the dentist sent her inappropriate text messages…no surprise there!)

Wife: You are a bald faced liar!

Husband: No I swear to God… I hate that ugly bitch!

Wife: (stares at husband with Hannibal Lecter like intensity as she slowly opens up her razor sharp Buck folding knife) Listen here you pusillanimous little pip squeak. You are going to fire that slut or by the eyes of Zeus, I’ll cut your little monkey nuts off with this fucking knife right here.

Wife (begins screaming in a high pitched shrew like voice) DO YOU HEAR ME! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? YOU FIRE THAT WHORE NOW! NOT YESTERDAY, NOT TOMORROW…FUCKING NOW!

Of course the dentist fires the hygienist. She rightly sues. The case works it’s way all the way to the State Supreme Court where she loses, but hopefully this is not over. This case clearly smacks of sexual harassment AND sexual discrimination. Mark my words the dentists wife is going to ultimately cost him thousands…no hundreds of thousands of dollars in “he’s gonna get his fucking ass sued money.”


Syria gas attack explained in 3 paragraphs

This is what happens to middle eastern despots that are accused of "having" WMD's

This is what happens to middle eastern despots that are accused of “having” WMD’s

I’m certainly not the smartest guy on Earth but even I with my dim intellect can deduce that the geopolitical situation in Syria is totally fucked to use the vernacular. The Assad regime seems to have used some sort of WMD (Gas) on the rebel forces. What I can’t seem to wrap my mind around is why?  Every member of the middle eastern despots club remembers quite vividly what happened to Saddam for simply being accused of having WMD’s. He finished his days swinging from a rope in a dank dirty Iraqi prison. So why on earth would the Assad regime risk the same fate by using gas? It makes no sense. Here are some possibilities that come to mind:

  1. Assad is so bat shit crazy he simply does not care about the consequences of using WMD’s (not likely)
  2. Russia and or Tehran have given assurance to Assad that they have his back. In the U.N. security council in the case of Russia and through the threat of armed intervention in the case of Tehran.
  3. The “dissidents” used the weapon themselves… Hey It’s a high stakes game of poker and the winner gets a country…why not use gas on your own people.
  4. Hezbollah used the gas at the behest of Tehran to further conflagrate and destabilize the situation.
  5. Lets not forget the any dozen or so extremist Islamic groups that could have pulled this off as well.
  6. And last. Was the gas attack pulled off by some “shadow” agency to start a wide scale war in Syria?

Most Americans seem blithely unaware of this entire powder keg which happens to be near the epicenter of the worlds oil supplies. You people will care when a shooting war breaks out between, Iran, Syria and Israel. Eeeeeeeeee doggies things are going to get very interesting then…very interesting indeed. You can forget about your Sunday drive to Grandma’s house becasue the cost of gas will be around $10 per gallon when Iran starts firing anti shipping missiles in the Strait of Hormuz.

Hey did you see the VMA’s last night? You fucking people better wake up.

My report from the BJJ front lines

I’m not sure how many matches I refereed this weekend at NAGA Albany…50 maybe? Here is what I’m sure of; the art of BJJ as taught by the original masters Carlos and Helio Gracie is alive and well as evidenced by the fundamentally solid and basic BJJ that I saw. Don’t misconstrue “basic” for crude. I mean basic as in simple and effective techniques that work nearly 100% of the time. Here is a short list of the techniques that I saw the most of:

The most used submission: Armbar from the mount. People were hitting this (kids-teens and adults) all day long and I mean allllll day long. In the adult black belt division a smaller BB was able to mount his much larger opponent and finish the match with a tight ass and perfectly set up and executed armbar from the top mount. Nice old fashioned effective BJJ.

The most used sweep: The scissor sweep from bottom guard. Yep the BJJ 101 scissor sweep…easy to setup and execute.

The most common takedown: The head and arm judo throw. Easy to set up from grip fighting and you land with nice dominate side control.

Here is a quote form musician Alvin Lee:

I think a lot of modern day guitarists start off playing like Eddie van Halen, and they don’t take the time to learn the basics.

It’s much the same in BJJ, many students watch YouTube videos of fancy esoteric bjj techniques that really have no practical application-which only work on less skilled opponents and think that is what BJJ is. This is not my opinion. It’s an empirical observation based on officiating hundreds of BJJ tournament matches of all skill levels from beginner to expert. Basics work, they have always worked and they will always work. Part of the problem is students don’t want to learn the basic GOF (good old fashioned) techniques like the mounted armbar because they are not “sexy”, they want to learn fancy ass stuff like the Berimbolo. Hey don’t get me wrong the Berimbolo is great if you are…Rafael Mendes. But then again can you play guitar like Eddie Van Halen?

GOF (good old fashion) arm bar. It worked 50 years ago and it still works today.

GOF (good old fashioned) arm bar. It worked 50 years ago and it still works today.

Stevey the “angry” mountain biker.

Although technically not hate mail, I think this an interesting story of a disturbed and troubled individual. Since you are a regular reader of this blog you know that I’m training to climb Mt. Rainier next summer. One of the training protocols I use is mountain biking. Mountain biking is great to build functional leg strength and in fact it’s a great total body workout. About 8 weeks ago I went into a local bike shop in Southampton Pennsylvania. I told them exactly the kind of biking I was going to do, mostly street with some light trails. The operant word is “light” trails. The sales manager sold me a bike perfectly suited for the type of riding I was intending  to do.

Within 3 weeks of riding I began to ride very aggressive trails that my Trek 3500 was not designed to be ridden on. The Trek 3500 is great for packed gravel and beginner trails. I began riding extremely technical trails at White Clay in Delaware, Wissahickon and Pennypack park. The Trek 3500 is considered an “entry level” bike. It is NOT a bike suited or designed to be ridden on the types of trails that I began to ride it on. I had to make a decision. I could either sell a nearly new bike (the Trek) and use that money to buy a better bike, or I could continue riding the 3500 until it began to fall apart making it worthless for resale. I listed the bike on Craigslist. Here is the text of the original listing (I’ve X’d out the cost of the bike.)

8 week old Trek 3500. Excellent near perfect condition. The only reason I’m selling this bike which cost $XXX new is I out grew it. It’s a great commuter bike or can be used for easy to moderate trails. I’m now riding advanced trails which is too much for a bike like this. Has upgraded handlebars, upgraded rear derailleur. Has been immaculately cared for. Pedals shown are not what will be on the bike. I’ll reinstall the stock platform pedals. Buy a nearly new bike at USED bike price. $XXX FIRM…no low ballers. You can get a legit mountain bike at Walmart price! If you see this listing the bike is still for sale.  I’ll even throw in the flashing rear safety light ($15.95 value) and water bottle rack and insulated water bottle (20.95 value) for free!

Notice I do not say that I’m an expert rider or that I’ve become an expert rider. I clearly state that the trails I’m riding are too much for the 3500. The following is the first response I get from my Craigslist listing, it’s from a pusillanimous little puke named Steven S: 

“You outgrew the bike in 8 weeks ? You are either a liar or an idiot. “

The reason I drag rubes, dopes and imbeciles like Steven S to the hate mail page is there is no moderator like on a website forum that can throttle back my response. So Stevey here is your official Wing’s Daily News baby nut stomping:

Stevey the angry mountain biker.

Stevey the angry mountain biker.

Stevey, I can’t help the fact that you are a sad strange little man(assuming you are not 11 years old). In fact I can’t help you at all with the fact that you are living a failed and miserable life. Your life can be nothing but sad and disappointing considering you have nothing better to do then send nasty and poorly thought out emails to people that are trying to sell things on Craigslist. You see Stevey, unlike you I spend my free time trying to perfect new crafts and skills such as mountain biking. In fact I’m already planning on competing in a mountain bike competition. I believe in pushing myself to my physical and mental limits, unlike you who apparently spends his free time sitting in his moms basement  cruising and trolling the internet. In fact I wonder if your parents are upset at your repeated attempts of sexual molestation on the family dog. Do your parents know of your predilection for out of species sexual intercourse? At the end of my day I ask myself “did I push myself harder than yesterday?” and “Am I more improved than yesterday?” You however probably have thoughts of how your family German Shepherd once again escaped your clutches as you held it by the collar with one hand and tried to open the jar of Vaseline with the other during another attempted act of carnal knowledge with the poor beast.

Steveareno…life has a strange sense of irony. I’m sure I’ll run into you one day on the trails. You won’t be hard to miss. You’ll be the pot bellied guy wheezing and huffing your way unsteadily and unathletically up a hill. Your helmet will be ill fitting because of the shape of your pointy little head. Once I spot you I’m going to tap you on your shoulder, try not to laugh as you squint at me through your coke bottle eyeglasses, and ask you to tell me to my face how much of an idiot and a liar I am.





Are you a gladiator or a spectator?

Mt. Rainier

Mt. Rainier

I wish I could describe to you the sheer visceral feeling you get when you stand atop a mountain summit and look out at the world below. On a mountain when the wind is above 80 mph it is as loud as a freight train and you have to scream to be heard even if the person is standing inches away from you. It is so cold that if you spit, your spit will freeze solid before it hits the ground. At times the wind blows so hard the snow hitting your face feels like bits of small glass or sand. The most alluring thing about mountain climbing (at least to me) is the sheer challenge of making it to the summit and back. One simply can not imagine the sheer size of a mountain unless you are climbing one! They are called mountains for a reason… As you climb higher the earth below shrinks and you realize that you are doing  something that few people will ever do. When I solo climbed Mt. Washington (the tallest mountain in the North East) two winters ago it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I remember when I broke treeline (around 4,500′) the wind was gusting at around 90 mph and the air temperature was -50. I looked off into the distance as I stood in that raw primal environment and thought to myself “my God few people ever get to see what I am seeing now.” It was an incredible experience that changed me as a person forever.

I’m now training to climb the 5’th tallest mountain in the continental United States, Mt. Rainier. This will be the biggest most challenging climb that I have ever tried. The risks are great. There is altitude sickness to contend with which can leave one debilitated with severe headache and nausea. There are the sundry nasty things that can happen to you and leave you crippled or dead. You can slip and fall to your death, rocks can fall and kill you. You can get get caught in a storm become stranded and die from exposure. You can be swept off the mountain by avalanche. Falling into a crevasse is genuine and real risk which can kill or severely injure a climber. I’ve heard the altitude between 12,500′ – 14,410 referred to as the “smack down zone” and the “house of pain“. Climbing a mountain is like climbing a ladder set at a very steep angle for hours and hours wearing mountaineering clothing and carrying a heavy pack. It’s physically and mentally challenging…to say the least.

I often ask myself “why climb a mountain”? In essence it’s hours and hours of strenuous labor to get to the top and find nothing there. There is nothing at the top, no tiki bar, no celebratory band or festivities, just a cold barren mountain top. Seems like an awful lot of work to get to a place with nothing there. Nothing there but…great personal satisfaction. When you summit you get the immense satisfaction that you risked greatly, challenged yourself and stepped way way out of your comfort zone to achieve something that few people could, that in fact you “stepped into the arena of life.” At the end of my time I don’t want to regret the things I could have done. I want the satisfaction and pride that I was a gladiator and not a spectator. I ask which one are you?

I want to thank the folks at Jersey Pump for helping me achieve this dream! Climb on!

jersey pump rappel



Texting while driving-the potential for tragedy.

Have you ever text messaged while driving? If so take 30 minutes of your time to watch this video by acclaimed filmmaker Werner Herzog about the devastation and tragedy that can occur while texting and driving. Click here to watch this compelling video that will hopefully dissuade you from texting while driving.



Bull Run=Stupid, Spartan Race=Badass

O.K…so this idea is the pantheon of stupidity:

Watch out! The Great Bull Run is coming to the U.S.Organizers of the Pamplona-inspired event plan for several U.S. cities to unleash bulls to sprint through fenced-in courses as daredevils sprint to avoid being trampled.The inaugural run is set for Aug. 24 in Richmond, Va. More events are planned for Georgia, Texas, Florida, California, Minnesota, Illinois and Pennsylvania. Click here for the source story.

Eeeeeeee doggies...look at me run...from a bull

Eeeeeeee doggies…look at me run…from a bull

So let me see if I can wrap my mind around this incredibly imbecilic idea. You have a free weekend, feel like challenging yourself so you decide to enter a “bull run”. I have a couple of problems with “bull runs”. 1. Potential animal cruelty, 2. it’s stupid 3. it’s stupid, 4 it’s stupid…and so on. If you are so inclined to dodge large moving things, go ride a bicycle in Manhattan during rush hour…you’ll be able to dodge 3,000 pound things called…cars. I see this “bull run”  as an excuse for fat, retarded (sorry no P.C.) drunk non athletes to pretend that they are doing something moderately challenging and dangerous. But hey man this is America and anyone has the right to act like a halfwit.

If you want a challenge and I mean a real challenge, try a Spartan Race. I’ve written about the Spartan Races before. A Spartan Race is no “fun run” where you get food coloring thrown on you while you run or have people dressed like zombies chase you. Nope…Spartan Races are badass…balls out challenges for people that truly want to test their mettle. I was contacted by Spartan Race Media and was given the following news:

Spartan Race has partnered with NBC Sports to bring obstacle racing to television. NBC will be filming 8 professional athletes and 4 everyday Spartans at the Spartan Race World Championships in Killington, Vermont next month on September 21st for a 90 minute TV special. Spartan Race has launched a Get On TV campaign in which people will submit a story about how training and racing in a Spartan Race has transformed their life for a chance to be featured on this special.

Rather than doing something incredibly pointless like any of the garden variety “challenge” races, step up…try a Spartan Race. Who knows you may end up on T.V. Arooooooooooo!

The Spartan Race...

The Spartan Race…


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